The Spirit

Rookie cop Denny Colt returns from the beyond as The Spirit, a hero whose mission is to fight against the bad forces in Central City.

Frank Miller is the most influential man in comic books.  He reinvented Batman, and Daredevil. He created Ronnin and Sin City.  He can create a tough guy character better than most Hollywood writers.  Because of this someone saw fit to let him direct a Spirt film, thus proving he needs to stick with comics.

 The Spirit is a favorite comic of mine.  Its a about a cop, thought dead, who lives in a cemetery and fights crime.  That's it, simple.  He wears a Lone Ranger mask.  No powers, nothing fancy.  Too bad the film has nothing to do with this.  See in this turd of a film The Spirit has incredible strength and can heal like Wolverine.  He battles the Octopus, played by Samuel Jackson.  I assume they hired him so he can yell, as that's all this character does.  Hes a criminal, they fight allot, though sinks at each other and stuff.  Its awful.  My head hurts just writing about it.  Scarlett Johansen is smoking hot in the film, but other than that it stinks.  Its filmed in hat black and white with color splotches like Sin City.  Sin City is great, this is not.  It is the worst comic film ever made.  The David Hasselhoff Nick Fury Film is Citizen Cain compared to this.  Don't watch it, avoid it.  If someone trys to give it to you throw it at them, punch them, and run, as they obviously hate you and want to cause you harm.

 

Overall 1 out of 5 Stars (Because Scarlett Johansen is hot)

Barbwire City

Ahh a documentary, something I rarely, if ever review.  There have already been a few ECW Documentaries.  Rise and Fall Of ECW, which is just fantastic, and Forever Hardcore, which, to be honest, I never really cared for.  Barb Wire City is the latest, well not the latest it actually is a labor of the last 12 years.  It just got released last.  This one is very clever.  It intertwines the past of the present.  As we are taken through the history of ECW we are also viewing Shane Douglas's ECW reunion show.

 This one uses Fan Cam footage, raw footage filmed with a hand held camera.  Its all they can use as WWE owns the commercial footage.  This one is almost a cautionary tale of how not to run a company.  We hear from fans and wrestling journalist about the highs, and lows of ECW.  We see Axl Rotten when he was active in ECW, and now after suffering Bells Palsy and still competing in hardcore matches.  We see Balls Mahoney taking chair shots, then footage of him now, where IMO he just looks terrible.  This is a very nice compilation piece.  Will you learn anything new, no because if your a fan you know the stories.  This one is cool though, because of the handheld footage.  It embodies that gritty blue collar look that ECW was always known for.

 Overall 3 out of 5 Stars

 

Punisher War Zone

After hunting down and killing hundreds of violent criminals, Frank Castle, aka The Punisher, faces his most deadly foe yet: Jigsaw.

Ray Stevens aka Low Rent Vinnie Jones steps in as the worst Punisher yet.  Problem is, this one gets the origin right.  Frank Castles family is murdered in Central park and he goes on a one man war against crime.  He wears a stupid looking turtle neck bullet proof vest with a skull spray painted on it.  He looks stupid as hell.  he does however take out criminals the Punisher way.  By that I mean he kills them in very graphic over the top bloody way.  Along the way he takes a mobster and throws him into a glass crusher, thus mangling his face and turning him into Punisher comic villain, Jigsaw.  Jigsaw goes to the nut house and breaks out his bat shit crazy brother Loony Bin Jim and they go after the Punisher.  Theres some silly sub plot about Punisher protecting a little girl and her mom, but who cares.

 

This film is not very good.  It's the closest to the comic, but its very low rent.  Bad acting, bad editing, bad dialogue, just bad.  Its fun in a bad way, but not enough for me to recommend unless your a punisher fan.

 

Overall 2 out of 5 Stars!

The Punisher

An undercover FBI agent becomes a vigilante assassin and sets out to unleash vengeance upon the corrupt businessman who slew his family

Thomas Jane gets his turn as the Punisher in this big budget film.  He plays Frank Castle, a FBI agent who after being involved in a bust where local crime lord Howard Saints son is killed goes on a large family reunion with his, and his wife's family.  When I say large, I mean large.  Like were talking 8 cousins twice removed large.  Well Howard Saint finds out where he is and has a hit squad take out everyone.  Granted this is not the Punisher origin, but hey go big or go home.  So after everyone is killed, except for Frank of Course he gets the shirt his son bought for him, which is, yes, a skull shirt he goes back to LA to seek revenge.  He moves into an apt complex and befriends his neighbors, then decides to go and take out Howard Saint.

 

He doesn't kill tons of people per say, he punishes them.  he makes Saint believe his wife and best friend are sleeping together, before storming Howard's office.  There is a great fight between him, and The Russian, played by Kevin Nash, and a nice scene where a pierced up Ben Foster is tortured by having his piercings pulled out.

 Is this a Punisher film?  Not really, but it is however my favorite of the three that have been made.  Its fun, well made, well acted, and Thomas Jane is still the best actor to play the punisher.  Plus he wears a skull shirt.

 

4 out of 5 stars.

 

 

 

 

The Punisher

When Frank Castle's family is murdered by criminals, he wages war on crime as a vigilante assassin known only as the Punisher.

Dolph Lundgren stars as some guy named Frank who's family gets blown up in a car bombing and he decides to become a vigilante.  He's called the Punisher, but hes too stupid to wear a black shirt with a skull.  Instead he wears leather pants and a leather biker coat.  He lives in the sewers like a homeless Batman, drives around on a motorcycle and has a drunk homeless English sidekick.  He kills mobsters, and other criminals while being pursued by his old partner Luis Gosset Jr.

The plot involves the Yakuza coming to take over the drug trade in Canada, I mean New York.  Side note, we can tell when a New York movie is not filmed in New York people.  Anyway, the Yakuza kidnap all the kids of the New York Canadian mob families and threaten to kill them unless they agree to work for the Yakuza.  The Punisher without the skull shirt, must stop them.  He even teams up with the mob at the end to take the Yakuza down.

 Is this a Punisher film, not really, is it good?  You bet!  Dolph is great, the action is very violent, and over the top.  The film, although low budget is actually well made.  Had Dolph worn the Skull shirt he would have made a good Punisher.  I would recommend any action fan watch this one.

 

Overall 3out of 5 Stars!

Halloween Home Haunts

I love decorating the house for holidays.  I really do, so does my 4 year old.  We both love Halloween.  Every year we buy a few new decorations and add to our outside display.  I always thought I had a very nice set up, until I watched Halloween Home Haunts.

Halloween Home Haunts in the brainchild of Jonathan Morken from Apprehensive Films.  It follows several different people who go to great lengths to turn there homes into Halloween attractions.  Some of them have gotten so large they have turned into professional haunted houses.

Everyone interviewed has a passion for there decorations and set ups.  Everyone had a theme, from graveyards, to the old west, to witches, and pumpkins.  One young lady had a giant evil pumpkin made from chicken wire.  Yes, some of these amazing designs are actually homemade.  I was beyond happy to learn there is a web page to make your own tombstones.  My son and I have already downloaded patterns.

Not everything is homemade however.  Some people have spent upwards of thirty thousand dollars.  And it shows.  Motorized Jason's from Friday the 13th, fog, light, and strobe machines, plus every animatronic ghoul you could think of.

After a short visit with each decorator, where you learn about there favorite decorates, themes, set up, and love for Halloween you are given an eerie tour of the home when its all finished, set to a pulsing old horror school organ beat.

My son happened to walk in the room when it was one, and has watched it several times there after.  He keeps informing me of what I will be buying this year. 

This video will be available on September 17  I highly recommend picking it up.  It will not only be a nice change from always seeing Christmas decorating shows, but if your a fan of decorating your house, it is sure to give you tons of ideas.  And if your a fan of Halloween you will enjoy seeing these peoples passion, and of course awesome displays.

Overall 4 out of 5 Stars!

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Hansel & Gretel are bounty hunters who track and kill witches all over the world. As the fabled Blood Moon approaches, the siblings encounter a new form of evil that might hold a secret to their past.

 

 

Ok I'll say it right off the bat, this is a fun film.  There is no other way to describe it.  It made no money, but it should have, its fantastic.  Its the story of Hansel and Gretal.  Thew two kids who go to the candy house and get trapped by a witch.  Well they kill the witch and grow up to be demon hunters.  See witch magic does not work on them so they go from town to town hunting witches, trolls, demons, you name it.

 A small village hires them to help them find all the children that have all gone missing.  Turns out there is a coven of witches who need these kids for a spell that will make them immune to fire.  Hansel and Gretal come in to stop them. Keep in mind, this is not a film for kids.  It's very violent, and extremely bloody.  When witches, and people for that matter are shot, they basically explode in a shower of blood.

  This has lots of fun humor as well, I enjoy that Hansel acquired diabetes from being force feed candy when the witch had him when he was a kid, so he has to take a shot every 8 hours to live.  The effect a great, the Blu Ray looks fantastic and its a really great take on a classic Fairy Tale.  Check it out.

 

Overall 3out of 5 Stars!

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Undisputed III

Boyka is back. This time he is fighting in the first ever inter-prison tournament with one knee

Man, how have I never reviewed this one?  The amazing Scott Adkins returns as Boyka.  As you may recall In Undisputed II He got his knee destroyed.  Because of that he is not fighting in prison.  Hard to do that with a smashed knee.  So what does he do?  He kicks mattresses, and lifts buckets of dirty water with his bad leg.  That leads him to being recovered.  He enters the prisons ring and beats the crap out of there champion.  By doing this he earns himself a spot in a large underground fighting tournament.  Winner gets there freedom.

Well that’s the film, not in a nutshell, but as a whole.  Adkins is possibly the perfect specimen when it comes to action stars.  Built, agile, and can really fight.  The moves he can pull off are amazing, and defiantly not being done by anyone here in the US.  The fight scenes are amazing, and that’s the sell point of these films.  This actually rivals Bloodsport when it comes to tournament fight scenes, and in the final fight blows it away.

If you dig action look no further.  This film will not disappoint.

 

Overall 3 out of 5 stars.

Grunt: The Wrestling Movie!

Ok, first I have to start off by saying, I love this film.  It’s a mocumentray about A pro wrestler named Mad Dog Joe DeCurso.  See 10 years ago during a 20 man over the top rope battle royal Mad Dog got his opponent in a Hangman, which in wrestling speak is having the guys head twisted between the top and middle rope.  Mad Dog takes a run at him to deliver the big boot and kicks the guys head off.  As murder is illegal he is disqualified.  Unfortunately his opponents legs never touched the floor so he won.  Too bad he’s dead.  After this Mad Dog goes into depression and disappears.  Many think he jumped off a bridge and committed suicide.  But wait now a masked wrestler has entered the scene, named, The Mask.  His moves are very similar, almost identical to Mad Dog.

 Enter Leslie Uggams, a director making a documentary about Mad Dog.  He hooks up with Dr Tweed, president of the Mask is Mad Dog Fan Club.  They drive around interviewing various wrestlers, and managers.  All of which are played by real pro wrestlers.  Adrian Street even does the music for the film.  What follows is a hilarious end up of documentaries and wrestling, that culminates during a 20 man battle royal to finally crown a new champion.  Hilarious dialogue, and tons of wrestling matches intertwined make for a hell of a film.  You don’t need to be a pro wrestling fan to like this but it will help.  I saw it back when it came out in 1985.  It is still funny to me to this day.

 Overall 4 out of 5 Stars!

The Last Stand!

The leader of a drug cartel busts out of a courthouse and speeds to the Mexican border, where the only thing in his path is a sheriff and his inexperienced staff

Arnold is back, and he’s bringing Luis Guzman and Johnny Knoxville with him.  Arnold plays a former LA cop who has settled into a nice quiet town as the acting sheriff.  The town is small, so small 90% of it leaves to go to another town for a football game.  Arnold stays behind to keep the peace.  A joke as there is nothing going on.  Well except for the fact a notorious drug lord has just broken out of prison and is heading to Mexico.  He breaks out under Forrest Whitakers watch, which is not hard to do considering that lazy eye he has.  Anyway, wouldn’t you know it, the last town he and his murdering posse have to cross through is Arnolds.  Arnold finds out he’s coming and deputizes a few local folk, one of whom is local gun museum owner Johnny Knoxville and they set out to stop the guy.

 This is truly a throwback film of the 80’s.  Low plot, cheesy action, one liners, the works.  It’s  a lot of fun.  Nice amount of blood too.  In one scene when Arnold and his team are arming up Luis Guzman picks up Arnolds old Conan Sword.  I enjoyed the nice short run time, as movies like this don’t need to be very long.  Unfortunately the films does have one major flaw.  The end fight scene, not because of Arnold, but more so the bad guy.  It’s very anti-climactic.  But not enough to crash the film like Die Hard 3 did.

 Overall I highly recommend this.  It’s fun.  You don’t need to be a fan of Arnold to enjoy this, just a fan of action.

 

Overall 3 out of 5 Stars!

Parker

A thief with a unique code of professional ethics is double-crossed by his crew and left for dead. Assuming a new disguise and forming an unlikely alliance with a woman on the inside, he looks to hijack the score of the crew's latest heist.

he man, the myth, the legend, Jason Statham stars as Parker.  A thief with a heart of gold.  Really, it’s based on a book.  I know that because I saw that somewhere.  I didn’t read it.  Don’t want to.  Anyway the Statham is friends with old drunk Nick Notice.  Who does a convincing job of acting sober in this film.  He hooks Parker up with a crew led by the always great Michael Chiklis.  They rob a fair ground, and then decide to take Parkers share.  But as Parker is played by Statham, he aint having that.  After a very nice fight scene that takes place in a moving car Parker is left for dead.  Luckily and old farm couple finds him and nurses him back to health.

 That leads us to Palm Beach, where Parker is all healed up and out for revenge.  He meets a realtor played by the insanely gorgeous J-Lo and with her help they go after the gang that doubles crossed him.  Statham takes out all the guys and gets his money.  That’s not a spoiler, it’s a fact.  Statham is the man.  He shoots lots of people in the face, and beats quite a few up as well.  The 2 hour run time is a bit much.  It moves very slow in parts. 

 The Furor, Mel Gibson that is played this same character in Payback, which as much as it pains me to say, is a better film.  It actually makes a nice double feature.  I still recommend watching this, as it has Statham and Chiklis.

 Overall 2 out of 5 Stars!

The G-String Horror

Apprehensive Films are quickly becoming the go to company for independent horror films at a great price, and G-String Horror is no exception.

Its defiantly got a catchy title. And surprisingly for a low budget film it also has some good acting, and nice effective gore effects.  Its about a film crew shooting a horror film in a supposedly haunted film palace, that was renovated into a strip club.  Turns out it really is haunted, and the ghost, or demons, or whatever you call them are not happy, and take over the film.

As a rule I am not a huge fan of "Found Footage" style films, however this is slightly different, and by different I mean in a weird European way. Like a dream within a dream. Example, there is a demon chick in this film called Baby Doll.  They call her this because she leave mutilated baby dolls wherever she goes.  Why does she do this you ask.  I have no clue, and truthfully I don't care. 

This is a fun ride for fans of horror, and independent films.  And like I said its from Apprehensive Films, who don't rape people for cash like some companies do.  You can pick this up for the low price of $12.95  Check it out!

Overall 3 out of 5 stars!

Avenging Force

Michael Dudikoff, who proves you don't have to know how to act to make a living in Hollywood teams up with his American Ninja buddy Steve James in this action packed low budget piece of cinema gold.

Dudikoff is Matt Hunter, a former Intelligence Officer taking care of his little sister.  he visits his buddy Larry, played by James, and finds out hes been getting death threats from a gang know as Pentangle.  Turns out there a right wing group that Larry encountered and stopped back when he was in the service.  They like to hunt down humans for sport.  Right there, that's all you need.  Hunting people always means good.

They kidnap Dudikoffs sistser and all hell breaks lose.  Unfortunately there are no ninjas in this film, but its still a great action packed 90 minutes.  Worth watching.

Overall 3 out of 5 Stars!

Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein

Abbott and Costello star as Wilbur, and Chick in this laugh riot send up of the old Universal Monster films.  They play two baggage handlers who are given the task of delivering 2 packages to a local Horror House.  Inside the boxes are the Frankenstein Monster, and Dracula's Coffin.  Larry Talbot, you know, the Wolfman is trying to get them to stop them from delivering these as he knows they are real and not props.

Dracula rises in front of Wilbur, but no one believes him.  He plans on taking Wilbur's brain and putting it into the Frankenstein Monster so he will be easy to control.  The grand finale takes place in a huge castle/laboratory, that features Abbott and Costello running from Frankenstein, while the Wolfman battles Dracula.

I have loved this film ever sense I was a little kid, and I still love it to this day.  There is a reason this is considered a timeless classic.

Overall 5 out of 5 Stars!

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across The 8th Dimension

Peter Weller stars as Buckaroo Banzai.  Hes a scientist/Neuro surgeon/rock singer who, with his team, known as the Hong Kong Cavaliers must stop a threat from the 8th dimension.

See in this weird plot, John Lithgow plays the evil Dr Lizardo.  He leads the Red Lectroids.  There evil, and after the Oscillation Overthruster that Buckaroo has, as it can allow you to travel through solid matter.  He is helped by a group of other aliens, who are all Jamaican.  Plus he dates a chick named Penny Pretty.

Sound weird?  Then picture Jeff Goldblum dressed like a cowboy.   Yes, as in chaps, hat and all.  The films makes little to know sense, and try's very hard to be cooler than it actually is.  However, it is different, and kind of fun in its own quirky way.  Worth a look!

Overall 2 out of 5 Stars!

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen

Some fool gave Terry Gilliam a ton of cash to make this horrible mess of a film.  Its about Baron Munchausen.  It takes place in the 18th century.  He and his crew go on a quest to save their kingdom from invading Turks.

They go to the moon, get eaten by a sea monster, and other really exciting things.  I say that in sarcasm.  Good special effects do not help this overly long (over 2hr) film.  Its just horrible.  However fans of Gilliam will tell you how great it is.  There wrong.  Watch it if you cant sleep.  Its sure to cure insomnia.  If you really need to sleep have a double feature with the equally as awfull Eric The Viking!

Overall 1 out of 5 Stars!

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane

Andrew "Dice" Clay stars as Ford Fairlane a Rock n Roll detective in one of the funniest raunchy humor comedies ever made.  Hes hired by Gilbert Godfreed, Priscella Presley, and Wayne Newton to track down a groupie named Zu Zu Pedels.  She used to date a heavy metal singer named Bobby Black who was murdered.

Dice does a great job, as the crude, shock detective.  Lauren Holly plays his assistant, Robert Englund is the seemingly unstoppable hit man after Ford, and Ed O'Neil plays a former disco duck who's now a detective on the same case.  The case has something to do with bootleg CD's. 

What the film really is, is a showcase of Dices comic act, as he was the hottest comic out there at the time.  Raunchy, crude, over the top, and directed by Renne Harlen.  What more do you need?

Overall 4 out of 5 Stars!

The Adventures of Captain Marvel

I love serials, and this is one of my favorites.  Its the story of a boy named Bill Batson, who, while on an expedition meets a wizard named Shazam who give him the power to transform into the super hero  Captain Marvel.

He must protect the Golden Scorpion Idol.  The idol contains 5 lenses, that when combined can form the most powerful weapon on earth.  The scientists who find it divide them up to protect the world.  Unfortunately a villain named The Scorpion is after them and its up to our hero Captain Marvel to stop them.  This DVD contains all 12 episodes of the original serial.

Overall 3 out of 5 Stars!

Action Jackson

Carl Weathers from Rocky fame stars as Action Jackson, a tough cop who was busted down a few ranks after braking the arm of Craig T Nelsons son.  Nelson is the bad guy who is killing off union reps or something.  It doesn't make much sense to be honest.  But then again who cares.

Jackson teams up with Vanity after he is framed for the murder of Nelsons wife, played by a young and hot Sharon Stone.  Weathers is fantastic in the role, as is Nelson, and quite frankly the entire cast.  This is a fun ride from beginning to end which features a good fight between Nelson and Weathers in the climax.  Like the title says Action!

Overall 3 out of 5 Stars!