Saturday, September 21, 2013

The Spirit

Rookie cop Denny Colt returns from the beyond as The Spirit, a hero whose mission is to fight against the bad forces in Central City.

Frank Miller is the most influential man in comic books.  He reinvented Batman, and Daredevil. He created Ronnin and Sin City.  He can create a tough guy character better than most Hollywood writers.  Because of this someone saw fit to let him direct a Spirt film, thus proving he needs to stick with comics.

 The Spirit is a favorite comic of mine.  Its a about a cop, thought dead, who lives in a cemetery and fights crime.  That's it, simple.  He wears a Lone Ranger mask.  No powers, nothing fancy.  Too bad the film has nothing to do with this.  See in this turd of a film The Spirit has incredible strength and can heal like Wolverine.  He battles the Octopus, played by Samuel Jackson.  I assume they hired him so he can yell, as that's all this character does.  Hes a criminal, they fight allot, though sinks at each other and stuff.  Its awful.  My head hurts just writing about it.  Scarlett Johansen is smoking hot in the film, but other than that it stinks.  Its filmed in hat black and white with color splotches like Sin City.  Sin City is great, this is not.  It is the worst comic film ever made.  The David Hasselhoff Nick Fury Film is Citizen Cain compared to this.  Don't watch it, avoid it.  If someone trys to give it to you throw it at them, punch them, and run, as they obviously hate you and want to cause you harm.

Overall 1 out of 5 Stars (Because Scarlett Johansen is hot)

Barbwire City

Ahh a documentary, something I rarely, if ever review.  There have already been a few ECW Documentaries.  Rise and Fall Of ECW, which is just fantastic, and Forever Hardcore, which, to be honest, I never really cared for.  Barb Wire City is the latest, well not the latest it actually is a labor of the last 12 years.  It just got released last.  This one is very clever.  It intertwines the past of the present.  As we are taken through the history of ECW we are also viewing Shane Douglas's ECW reunion show.

 This one uses Fan Cam footage, raw footage filmed with a hand held camera.  Its all they can use as WWE owns the commercial footage.  This one is almost a cautionary tale of how not to run a company.  We hear from fans and wrestling journalist about the highs, and lows of ECW.  We see Axl Rotten when he was active in ECW, and now after suffering Bells Palsy and still competing in hardcore matches.  We see Balls Mahoney taking chair shots, then footage of him now, where IMO he just looks terrible.  This is a very nice compilation piece.  Will you learn anything new, no because if your a fan you know the stories.  This one is cool though, because of the handheld footage.  It embodies that gritty blue collar look that ECW was always known for.

 Overall 3 out of 5 Stars


Punisher War Zone

After hunting down and killing hundreds of violent criminals, Frank Castle, aka The Punisher, faces his most deadly foe yet: Jigsaw.

Ray Stevens aka Low Rent Vinnie Jones steps in as the worst Punisher yet.  Problem is, this one gets the origin right.  Frank Castles family is murdered in Central park and he goes on a one man war against crime.  He wears a stupid looking turtle neck bullet proof vest with a skull spray painted on it.  He looks stupid as hell.  he does however take out criminals the Punisher way.  By that I mean he kills them in very graphic over the top bloody way.  Along the way he takes a mobster and throws him into a glass crusher, thus mangling his face and turning him into Punisher comic villain, Jigsaw.  Jigsaw goes to the nut house and breaks out his bat shit crazy brother Loony Bin Jim and they go after the Punisher.  Theres some silly sub plot about Punisher protecting a little girl and her mom, but who cares.


This film is not very good.  It's the closest to the comic, but its very low rent.  Bad acting, bad editing, bad dialogue, just bad.  Its fun in a bad way, but not enough for me to recommend unless your a punisher fan.

Overall 2 out of 5 Stars!

The Punisher

An undercover FBI agent becomes a vigilante assassin and sets out to unleash vengeance upon the corrupt businessman who slew his family

Thomas Jane gets his turn as the Punisher in this big budget film.  He plays Frank Castle, a FBI agent who after being involved in a bust where local crime lord Howard Saints son is killed goes on a large family reunion with his, and his wife's family.  When I say large, I mean large.  Like were talking 8 cousins twice removed large.  Well Howard Saint finds out where he is and has a hit squad take out everyone.  Granted this is not the Punisher origin, but hey go big or go home.  So after everyone is killed, except for Frank of Course he gets the shirt his son bought for him, which is, yes, a skull shirt he goes back to LA to seek revenge.  He moves into an apt complex and befriends his neighbors, then decides to go and take out Howard Saint.

He doesn't kill tons of people per say, he punishes them.  he makes Saint believe his wife and best friend are sleeping together, before storming Howard's office.  There is a great fight between him, and The Russian, played by Kevin Nash, and a nice scene where a pierced up Ben Foster is tortured by having his piercings pulled out.

 Is this a Punisher film?  Not really, but it is however my favorite of the three that have been made.  Its fun, well made, well acted, and Thomas Jane is still the best actor to play the punisher.  Plus he wears a skull shirt.

4 out of 5 stars.





The Punisher

When Frank Castle's family is murdered by criminals, he wages war on crime as a vigilante assassin known only as the Punisher.

Dolph Lundgren stars as some guy named Frank who's family gets blown up in a car bombing and he decides to become a vigilante.  He's called the Punisher, but hes too stupid to wear a black shirt with a skull.  Instead he wears leather pants and a leather biker coat.  He lives in the sewers like a homeless Batman, drives around on a motorcycle and has a drunk homeless English sidekick.  He kills mobsters, and other criminals while being pursued by his old partner Luis Gosset Jr.

The plot involves the Yakuza coming to take over the drug trade in Canada, I mean New York.  Side note, we can tell when a New York movie is not filmed in New York people.  Anyway, the Yakuza kidnap all the kids of the New York Canadian mob families and threaten to kill them unless they agree to work for the Yakuza.  The Punisher without the skull shirt, must stop them.  He even teams up with the mob at the end to take the Yakuza down.

 Is this a Punisher film, not really, is it good?  You bet!  Dolph is great, the action is very violent, and over the top.  The film, although low budget is actually well made.  Had Dolph worn the Skull shirt he would have made a good Punisher.  I would recommend any action fan watch this one.

Overall 3out of 5 Stars!

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Halloween Home Haunts

I love decorating the house for holidays.  I really do, so does my 4 year old.  We both love Halloween.  Every year we buy a few new decorations and add to our outside display.  I always thought I had a very nice set up, until I watched Halloween Home Haunts.

Halloween Home Haunts in the brainchild of Jonathan Morken from Apprehensive Films.  It follows several different people who go to great lengths to turn there homes into Halloween attractions.  Some of them have gotten so large they have turned into professional haunted houses.

Everyone interviewed has a passion for there decorations and set ups.  Everyone had a theme, from graveyards, to the old west, to witches, and pumpkins.  One young lady had a giant evil pumpkin made from chicken wire.  Yes, some of these amazing designs are actually homemade.  I was beyond happy to learn there is a web page to make your own tombstones.  My son and I have already downloaded patterns.

Not everything is homemade however.  Some people have spent upwards of thirty thousand dollars.  And it shows.  Motorized Jason's from Friday the 13th, fog, light, and strobe machines, plus every animatronic ghoul you could think of.

After a short visit with each decorator, where you learn about there favorite decorates, themes, set up, and love for Halloween you are given an eerie tour of the home when its all finished, set to a pulsing old horror school organ beat.

My son happened to walk in the room when it was one, and has watched it several times there after.  He keeps informing me of what I will be buying this year. 

This video will be available on September 17  I highly recommend picking it up.  It will not only be a nice change from always seeing Christmas decorating shows, but if your a fan of decorating your house, it is sure to give you tons of ideas.  And if your a fan of Halloween you will enjoy seeing these peoples passion, and of course awesome displays.

Overall 4 out of 5 Stars!

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Hansel & Gretel are bounty hunters who track and kill witches all over the world. As the fabled Blood Moon approaches, the siblings encounter a new form of evil that might hold a secret to their past.
Ok I'll say it right off the bat, this is a fun film.  There is no other way to describe it.  It made no money, but it should have, its fantastic.  Its the story of Hansel and Gretal.  Thew two kids who go to the candy house and get trapped by a witch.  Well they kill the witch and grow up to be demon hunters.  See witch magic does not work on them so they go from town to town hunting witches, trolls, demons, you name it.

 A small village hires them to help them find all the children that have all gone missing.  Turns out there is a coven of witches who need these kids for a spell that will make them immune to fire.  Hansel and Gretal come in to stop them. Keep in mind, this is not a film for kids.  It's very violent, and extremely bloody.  When witches, and people for that matter are shot, they basically explode in a shower of blood.

  This has lots of fun humor as well, I enjoy that Hansel acquired diabetes from being force feed candy when the witch had him when he was a kid, so he has to take a shot every 8 hours to live.  The effect a great, the Blu Ray looks fantastic and its a really great take on a classic Fairy Tale.  Check it out.

Overall 3out of 5 Stars!