Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Blair Witch Project

Plot Synopsis: Three film students travel to Maryland to make a student film about a local urban legend... The Blair Witch. 

 Blair Witch is the low budget film that paved the way for the modern cheap scare films like Paranormal Activity.  As you recall from my past review I hate Paranormal Activity.  I'm not a fan of Blair Witch either.  I saw it in the theatre and thought it was kind of cool, so I bought the DVD.  I fell asleep and was never able to watch it again.

  3 Stupid film students go in search of The Blair Witch.  See years ago, 1940 actually some crazy old guy kidnapped a group of kids, took them to his house, tortured them, then made them stare at a corner, you know like when you put a kid in time out, while one was killed.  He turned himself in and said he was possessed by the Blair Witch.  Cool story, they even meet a crazy lady who says she met the witch.  Once again, I am sick of townsfolk being crazy.  Someone one day will make a movie where the townsfolk aren't brain dead rapists. 

  Anyway these 3 annoying kids, who do nothing but say "fuck" every other word meet a hunter who tells then the woods are haunted.  As this guy looks like a mouth breather, they camp in the woods.  See if it was a normal intelligent member of the town they probably would have stayed away thus preventing the next God Awful 50 minutes.   And I do mean awful.  They hear noises, so they yell and cuss.  Then the next day they walk around cussing more.  That night they hear more noises, and continue to cuss.  Then they find some stick figures, and cuss.  That night, they cuss again.  They walk around more while they cuss. 

  Then something happens, kind of.  The one guy disappears.  They cuss about that.  So then the girl cry's and cusses into her camera.  She then hears noises, and cusses again.  They think they hear the missing guy and run to a house.  They split up, while cussing and when the girl goes into the basement she sees one guy with his back to the wall in time out, and her camera drops, she screams, the end.

Don't get me wrong, I have a filthy mouth.  But come on, profanity is basically the only dialogue you hear.  They walk around just like Lord of the Rings, going nowhere.  And obviously I'm not the only person too hate these kids.  They were gone for like 5 days and no one bothered to come looking for them. The handheld gimmick wears thin fast, and you start to get motion sick after a while.  And all and all I just hate the girl so much, I got even madder when I didn't see her die.  I guess the only good thing that came out of this was the parody scene of the girl in the woods in Scary Movie.  Don't bother with this.  Just film a friend of yours walking around there back yard yelling "Fuck" and you have this film.

Overall 1 out of 5 Stars!

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