Saturday, October 1, 2011

The Human Centipede

Plot  Synopsis: A mad scientist kidnaps and mutilates a trio of tourists in order to reassemble them into a new "pet"-- a human centipede, created by stitching their mouths to each others' rectums.

 It's that time of year, Halloween!  The best holiday out there.  Annoying relative don't come to visit, you get to wear a costume, and people give you candy.  Plus it's an excuse to watch horror films non stop all month long.  My wife and I watch horror movies all the time, but we do watch more in October.  So I figured all month long I'll review horror films, and I'm starting out with a film, that even though is fairly new, is already notorious.  The Human Centipede.
  Human Centipede centers on a crazy German Doctor named Heiter.  He wants to create a pet.  Not like a genetically altered dog or cat, or even a hot thing with a tail like the thing in Splice.  Admit it, you would sleep with that thing from Splice.  I would.  No he wants to make a human centipede.  Whats a human centipede you ask?  Well silly it's 3 people connected together, stitched from mouth to anus, connected through their digestive tracks.  Supposedly it's medically accurate.  It says so on the box. 
  So this whacked out Dr., who is creepy as hell drugs a couple of dumb American girls when they stop at his house to use the phone.  Why are American girls so dumb?  Haven't any of them ever watched a horror film?  Anyway he already has a foul mouthed Asian guy so he shows them the plans on his little slide show projector, and actually performs the operation.  He watches in amusement as the crawl around, all hooked together, and even tries to train them to be his pet.  Yes, like a fetish dog if you will.  He even sticks a paper in the main ones mouth.  In case you wanted to know, the Asian guy is the head.  Personally I would have went girl, boy, girl, to keep it more fair.  Ohh, I bet you want to know how they eat.  Have you ever seen a German horror film?  If you have you know where this is going.  If you haven't I'll tell you what happens in all German Horror films.  Someone eats poop!  Yes poop!  Always, never fails.  You want to see poop eating watch something from Germany.  See the guy get's to eat out of his fancy dog bowl, then when he poops he feeds the girl sewed to his butt, then after she digests the poop, she poops, and in turn feeds the girl hooked to her but.  Then that girl just poops, I'm assuming on the lawn, or in the house.  I mean come on, they were drugged and connected together.  I would poop and pee all over this guys place.  Side bar, I like saying poop.  It sounds funnier than saying shit.  Poop!
  I wont go any further, because I don't want to give away the ending.  And I have to say, the ending is fantastic.  It just blew me away.  I loved how this film ended.  If you have seen this you know what I'm talking about.
  This is a good film, and contrary to popular belief, its not that gross, or violent.  In fact if I were to put it next to a typical German horror film, like say Schramm, or even Nekromantic it's quite tame.  Hell you can pick it up at Target, or Walmart for God's sake.  It's really an entertaining watch.  Dieter Laser, who plays the doctor gives a chilling performance, and is creepy as shit, sorry I mean poop! 
  My wife and I dig the gross films.  We watch August Underground, Martyrs, Inside, and all other types of horror films, from all around the glob, so believe me when I say this is not as gross and violent as people say.  It is however a good way to spend 90 minutes.  Part 2 comes out in a few weeks.  I personally cant wait.  I highly recommend any fan of horror, or just people looking for something different check it out.  Poop!

Overall 3 out of 5 Stars!

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