Saturday, October 8, 2011

The Rite

Plot Synopsis: An American seminary student travels to Italy to take an exorcism course.

  My daycare provider is a fan of horror films.  I remember years ago, before I had a child my wife and I went over her house to watch a horror film.  The previous week her goon (now ex) husband rented Queen of the Damned, and they thought it was a gory amazing film.  My wife and I were falling asleep, having, at this point been fully engulfed in Italian horror films.  So I suggested the next week I would bring over one of my new films.  I picked Dr. Butcher M.D.  The film with the best trailer ever.  We watched it. My wife and I laughed, she had a blank look on her face.  Turns out cannibal films freak her out, and she couldn't sleep for a few days because she dreamed she was eating her kids.  She suggested my wife and I watch The Rite.  So when I found the DVD on sale for 10.00 I grabbed it.  I should have known better.

  The Rite follows the story of Michael, a former mortician who decides to become a priest.  He goes to priest school, yes you have to actually study this, and gets ordained.  That night he writes a letter of resignation to his superior telling him he has a lack of faith.  So when his superior reads this letter he chases down the street after Michale, and in doing so, causes a bicyclist to swerve and get hit by a car.  Michale runs over to the woman, and when she sees him in his priest outfit asks him to absolve her of her sins before she dies.  He does, and his superior is so proud of him he offers him a deal.  Go to Rome to take a class on Exorcisms, and if he still wants out, he can leave.  The priest school sound like the mob.

  So Michale get to Rome, goes to the class, and still isn't buying any of this.  The priest teaching the class tells Michael to go and see Father Lucas, played by Anthony Hopkins.  Turns out Father Lucas is the number one exorcist out there.  So Father Lucas take Michale to meet a young 16 year old girl who was raped by her dad, and is now pregnant.  Turns out she possessed too.  Ok if I was Michale I would be thinking this is a scam at this point. The possessed girl then starts yelling at Michael, not sure about what, because by this point I was board to tears.  So I told my wife I needed to go to the bathroom, and she could just tell me what happened while I was gone.

  So I went to the bathroom and continued reading Bret Hit Man Harts autobiography.  It's a damn fine read.  I was reading about how hated doing jobs for Bad news Brown when he was supposed to be getting a big baby face push.  As good as the book was I knew I had to go back to that crummy film I just bought.  When I got back the possessed girl had just had a miscarriage.  I asked my wife what happened.  She started telling me about a reported girl who wanted to interview Anthony Hopkins, and that.....I stopped listening.  I was getting bored just listening about it.  I just politely nodded my head and said "ok" from time to time. 

  When Michale, and Father Lucas return home, Father Lucas starts acting weird and tells Michael he is possessed by the demon now.  So Michale and the reporter girl go to find the priest professor to help, but he's out of town.  I ten told my wife that my stomach was really weird and went back to read more of Bret Harts book.  I remember him talking about how Dynamite Kid smacked The Honky Tonk Man for making fun of Harley Race.  I read for a while, and judging from the clock Knew I only had a few minutes left of the film, so I went back.  Here, spoiler, Michale finds his faith, exorcises the demon, then goes on to become a priest.  Yawn!!!!!

  I'm Catholic.  Old School Roman Catholic.  Former Alter boy, read the bible, have a vast knowledge of religious history.  This film got everything correct.  The Latin prayers, the faith, the signs of possession, everything.  Here lies the problem.  I've never bought into any of it.  I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I saying its very boring to watch on film.  Exorcist is the most boring horror film ever made, but its times better than this mindless mess.  I would have had Michael bang the hell out of the reporter in a confessional at some point.  But no, they just had constant talking.  Hopkins is a good actor, but he's not God.  Silence of the Lambs was a great film, but horror fans seem to like anything he does because he was Hannibal Lector.  Hey, horror fans.  Don't forget he was Hannibal Lector in Hannibal.  Maybe that will soften his appeal.

  Overall don't waste your time.  Buy Bret Harts autobiography, It's much more entertaining.

Overall 0 out of 5 Stars!

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