Sunday, October 9, 2011


Plot Synopsis:  Genetic engineers Clive Nicoli and Elsa Kast hope to achieve fame by successfully splicing together the DNA of different animals to create new hybrid animals for medical use.


Let it be known that I do not consider Splice a horror film.  I mean it sorta kinda is towards the end, but too me it's more of a drama about parenting.  But it's considered a horror film so I decided to write about it.

   Splice centers around a couple, Clive and Elsa, two scientists doing DNA research and gene splicing to try and find a cure for different diseases buy creating a new species.  They make two things that look like giant dildos.  One man, and one woman.  I think.  It's weird, they both look like dicks, but one is female.  Maybe its a hermaphrodite.  The company they work for decides to shut down the project and re organize the division.  So they decide to make there own species.  It turns of to be a female thing with an egg shaped head, and a tail.  They name it Dren, you know Nerd spelled backwards.

  So they take this weird thing to a farm to raise her, and while they are their, back at the lab there two dildo things start changing.  Actually the Hermie one changes.  It changes into a boy dildo, and the two of them kill each other.  Its a cool scene, two giant dildo things tearing each other apart.  Lots of blood.  It reminded me of a scene from a Troma film, combined with Avon style porn.

  Anyway by now Dren has grown up, and has started to develop feelings for Clive.  Elsa notices this and becomes basically a giant bitch.  When Dren kills a cat, and let it be known I hate cats, so no sympathy here from me, Elsa ties Dren up and cuts off her tail.  Clive arrives and freaks out.  Turns out Clive thinks Drens kind of hot as well.  He thinks this because it turns out Elsa used her DNA to help create Dren.  So when Clive and Elsa get into a huge fight, and Elsa walks out Clive Has sex with Dren.

  I guess he feels bad about it, not sure why, I mean the thing is hot.  Admit it!  You would have sex with this thing too.  So what if it has a tail, you can use that to your advantage.  Straight up, I looked at my wife and said "I would have sex with Dren"  Guess what?  I know allot of guys who would.  Who cares about the tail, and egg shaped head.  Anyway when Clive and Elsa, who have now made up return to the barn and find Dren dying.  Which makes me wonder, what in the hell kind of STD did Clive have.  I mean, Dren didn't get a cold soar, or any itch, she straight up died.  So like any loving parents who lost there "child" they decide to bury her in a shallow grave behind the barn.

  About that time there boss shows up to blow the lid on this whole illegal gene splice operation, but hold on, it's time to add the horror element.  Drean pops up alive, and with full on wings, and a dick.  Yes she has changed into a man.  Once again, what the hell was in Clive's sperm?  So Dren flys after Elsa, grabs her, and rapes the hell out of her.  She then stabs Clive with her tail, but Elsa by this point has recovered and cracks Dren on the back of the head with a rock.  We then flash forward a few months to find Elsa working for a pharmaceutical company who plan to do tests on her unborn baby.  Yea Dren knocked her up.  Cool ending.

  I dig this film.  Its really jacked up though.  Think about it.  These are parents.  Incest, rape, killing you kid.  These people are seriously jacked up.  I get having sex with a thing with a tail, but not when its technically your kid.  Ohh well.  Adrian Brody, who played Clive is creepy looking anyway.  I wouldn't put this past him.  Like I said, this in my opinion is not a horror film, but a drama about jacked up parents, who have sex with there kid, then kill it.  But all in all I would recommend it.

Overall 3 out of 5 Stars!

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