Thursday, October 6, 2011

Paranormal Activity

Plot Synopsis: After moving into a suburban home, a couple becomes increasingly disturbed by a nightly demonic presence.

  Ohh man, I am already getting scared.  Just thinking about the terrifying film, and phenomenon that is Paranormal Activity, has my hands shaking as I type.  I made the mistake of watching this late at night with my wife.  And I could not sleep.  This is truly an exercise in pure terror.
  It centers on a couple named Katie, and Micah who set up a video camera in there bedroom to capture an evil spirit.  See Katie thinks that a ghost has been following her around sense she was a little kid, and now it has followed her to her new home.  I guess they think if they catch it on video they can blackmail it into leaving.  So the first night they, wait, I have to take a deep breath, as the terror is returning.  They hear FOOTSTEPS!  Whew, I got scared again.
  So because of these footsteps, they call a psychic.  Personally I would have called a home inspector, to see if my floor boards were bad.  He tells them the demon is feeding off her negative energy, and they should not engage it.
  So they decide to leave the camera up, and, hold on, I gotta take a deep breath.  The door opens!!!  Ok, I gotta get a drink, scared again.  So a few days later they hear a loud noise.  Holy crap!  They run downstairs and the chandelier is moving.  Maybe it was the open window.  No it was the demon.  Ok, Ok, I gotta calm down.
  SO the next night, Kate gets up and stands over Micah for like 2 hours.  Maybe he was snoring, or she has a fetish.  I mean Ohh noo, I cant stop shaking.  So the next day Micha get a quijji board and try's to summon the demon with the help of this Milton Bradley board game.  When they leave the quijji board catches on fire.  About this time I was under the covers shaking.
  So the next night, they hear footsteps that sound like there coming from the attic.  They go up there to find.....wait for it....a picture of Kate.   Wow my heart skipped a beat writing that.  So now the next night the door slams shut.  Hold on I have to take my inhaler, I'm getting nervous.  So they decide to call Ghostbusters.  No they call a Demonaologist.  Bet you didn't know there was such a thing did you? He sense the evil spirit right away.  Plus he gets paid too.  He tells them he's making the demon angry and leaves.  After he gets paid of course.
  So then that night Kate gets pulled out of the bed...............Sorry I passed out from fear.  So they go to a hotel.  Should have done that a month ago.  Then they go back home.
  Then finally Kate gets up and starts sleepwalking, then you hear a loud scream.  Micha runs downstairs, when suddenly his body comes flying at the camera, and we see Kate standing over him.  She sniffs his dead body and leave.  A scroll at the end says the cops found him dead and she is missing.  I wish I could forget this.  I am litterly shaking as I type this.  Shaking with laughter.
  This film is pure shit.  It is so boring.  Nothing happens.  I just told you everything that happens in a few paragraphs that probably took you 4 minutes to read.  I had to sit through this for like 85 minutes.  It is so dull.  I get that some idiots, I mean people are scared of Ghosts.  But why?  Casper was nice.  Patrick Swazy seemed cool.  But come on! A door slams, footsteps, a chandelier moves.  Wow.  By the time the murder at the end happened I was under the covers alright, under the covers falling asleep. 
  If you want to be scared there are much better things to watch.  If your out of NyQuil and need to sleep watch Paranormal Activity

Overall 1 out of 5 Stars!

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