Saturday, September 10, 2011

Not Of This Earth

Plot Synopsis: A science fiction vampire movie. The Vampire is an emissary from an embattled world near destruction who teleports to Earth to see if they can live here 

Traci Lords, before she started trying to be a real actress, and found the shit out of Jesus she was hot.  Ever notice when people go crazy they get ugly?  Not that being a porn star at age 15 is normal, but still.  Well when the world found out Traci's films were all basically kiddie porn she used that publicity to make a real movie......well kind of.  That brings us to Not Of This Earth.
   Produced by the great Roger Cormen, World centers on a vampire from outer space who teleports to earth to see if our blood is compatible with his people.  It is, but only if its administered via transfusion.  Truth be told I don't think they had the budget to buy vampire teeth.  So he hypnotized a Doctor to help him get blood from the transfusion center.  Traci Lords play's the doctors nurse.  First off she might have been hot at this time, but there is no way she is believable in this part.  She looks like way too much of a whore, and sorry Traci, but way to dumb to ever be a nurse. She was on Melrose Place for a few episodes years later and still couldn't act.  Somehow, this complete and utter bird brain with big boobs figures out the vampires evil plans, well I'm really not sure if he had any.  They never got that deep in the plot.  But we are to assume he is evil.  She stops him using her wits.  Yes wits, it would have been better the other way.  Sidebar: You see Traci's boobs in the film.  After this picture she vowed never too be exploited like that again.  She must have prayed so hard she forgot she was a porn start just 8 months prior to this.  See she becomes his personal nurse, and one night when she's stumbling around his mansion she find's a door that leads to his world.  She doesnt go in or anything, she just figures it all out.  Personal nurse, see another porn element wasted.
  Don't get me wrong the film might be crap, but it is entertaining.  I liked it more when I was a kid, because I could say I saw Traci Lord's boobies.  Now as an adult I think I figured out why she got the part.  This film cost only about two hundred grand too make.  So I think Roger Cormen (who I am a huge fan of) figured she still new some people in the porn business, and they could get him deal on set's.  This film feels like a porn.  Bad acting, dumb plot, low budget.  They should have just had the vampire come down the the blood bank and say "I need some blood, but I need it specially transfused" cue the porn music. Traci comes in and says "I have all the plasma you need" and they go at it.  But then this wouldn't have played in theatres if they did that.  Come to think of it it probably only played in 3 theatres, so  the porn aspect would have made it more profitable on home video.
  I know I am really running this down, but you should give it a shot, especially if you like old school Sci Fi films.  This is almost like a parody of the ones from the 50's.  It will definitely give you a laugh.  Shout Factory has acquired the rights to the Roger Cormen library, and released a cool DVD transfer a few months back.  I actually recommend giving this a look.

Overall 2 out of 5 Stars!

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