Sunday, September 18, 2011

Terminal Justice

Plot Synopsis:   In 2008 cybersex can only be surpassed by one thing: Cloned women, especially created for their clients. This puts Pamela Travis, a famous and much sought-after cybersex star in great danger - Dr. Vivyan, scientist and genius in the field of biotechnology wants her DNA to clone her for his many customers. Sergeant Bobby Chase is assigned to protect her, but can't prevent her from being kidnapped. In order to free Pamela, Chase has to risk his life in a deadly virtual reality game called "Hellraiser"

 Lamas week comes to a close today with Terminal Justice, a film that is so absurd it defies logic.  Set in the future of 2008 virtual reality is all the rage, and so is cyber sex.  See there is a game all the kids play called Cartel Wars, its so realistic you can die in the game.  It was developed by a real bad dude named Regional Matthews, we know he's a bad dude because he has a beard, and Lorenzo has been casing him.  See not only does he make these dangerous games, but he is creating robot cyber sex slaves that after you screw you can just kill.  They all look the same.  Obviously they only had enough cash to hire one woman.  He want the DNA of a actress, or model, or singer, or something, they never said what she did but standing in his way is Lorenzo Lamas.  He's a cop with Robot eyes.  Yes, robot eyes.  See back during the great drug cartel war of 2004 he got kidnapped and had his eyes burned out with a poker.  They don't show that seen, but it would have probably been the best scene in the film.  He and his partner track some of Matthews goons to a airport with a stolen chip, when, you guessed it, his partner is killed.  So Lorenzo now not only has to protect the woman, but he has to avenge his partners death as well.  And helping him is an Asian guy.  But not a cool Asian guy who does martial arts, some nerd who sits at a computer and helps Lorenzo move around better, as he can see whats going on, on his computer through Lorenzo's robot eyes.  Well after about 40 minutes that go nowhere, yes nowhere, like nothing happens.  Lorenzo just basically walks around.  Then finally he goes to dinner with the girl but a robot helicopter attacks them.  No, not some cool thing like in Transformers, a RC Remote Control helicopter with a little gun on it.  Rather then just swat it away they run, and finally after about 4 minutes shoot it. 
   So Lorenzo keeps walking around when, whats this, the girl is kidnapped.   SO Lorenzo goes after her.  Well not really they come get him.  See I forgot to mention Lorenzo has a chip that the bad guy wants.  I forgot how he got it.  Which is sad because I just re watched this film last night.  They tell him he can play there new virtual game, where players can shoot up with some kind of super amphetamine and kill more ferociously.  They give this drug to Lorenzo.  Which is dumb.  Wouldn't you have your goons take it, and just leave him defenseless, or better yet just plug him while his in the giant virtual reality machine.  But no, they give him all the advantages.  So he uses his martial arts skills to kill everyone and save the girl.  Then one of the sex robots shoots Matthews, and they all live happily ever after. 
   I really liked this film when I saw it back in 1996 on late night HBO.  I bought the DVD about 8 years ago, and liked it then.  The one memory I have is that both times I watched it, I was smashed.  I don't drink anymore, so last night I watched it sober.  It's not so good sober.  Actually its ridiculously bad.  I mean it stinks.  Its basically a guy walking around, while some dude watches him through a computer.  It is about a DNA needed for cyber sex robots.  Couldn't he at least have waited through a titty bar, or a porn shop, or something.  He just walks down empty hallways.  I like Lorenzo, and let it be said Renegade was one of the best shows in syndication history, in my opinion, so I recommend watching that.  You can get the complete series, which is like 40 DVDs for 20.00 on Amazon.  You can buy this for about 10.00.  DO the math.  Not recommended, unless your having a drinking party

Overall 2 out of 5 Stars!

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